SACRED VOWS  Uncanny X-Men #425 & 426

PART I:
Here it is folks, THE WEDDING ISSUE you've all been waiting for. Gosh, I've said so much about it on the message board this seems hardly worth the effort. But here it goes:
Um. Hmm. This was a very bi-polar issue. No, I'm not talking about Lorna (though it applies) but instead the story and the storytelling itself. Basically, when it was good it was very good. When it was bad... well... it sucked.
Scott's sudden and rather taciturn disapproval of Alex's impending nuptuials seemed a little forced and unweildy. I guess I have a hard time with the idea of him offering anyone advice in the relationship department. For his part, Alex spends the entire issue angsting like a high school freshman in the midst of his first crush. Not really a shock. But speaking of high school crushes ... Annie and Bobby. Where did THAT come from? She is like the whore of Xavier's or something. I love Alex, I love Bobby. We give Lorna a hard time for being psycho but Annie takes the cake. She seems to have a thing about developing hideously strong attachments to men she doesn't even know. Get that woman some help! I know from experience that she's heading for serious psycholoical trouble! Or don't get her some help. I hate the bitch anyway.
The strongest scene, thankfully, was Lorna's bachlorette party. The dialog was smooth, the conversation funny and the rapport Austen revealed between Jean and Lorna seemed very genuine. Once again I found myself identifying with Lorna's character more strongly than in the past. (I think Gambit is hot too). Austen threw us a bone concerning her recent change of personality with her reference to her experiences since Genosha and the way they have opened her view of the world. Then of course there was the revelation that neither Bobby or Alex have much going for them in the horizontal mambo department. Not a shock either. It only got uncomfortably weird with her quote "You marry for genes".
The wedding itself was disappointing. Predictably, Alex savors his angst until the last minute then calls the whole thing off with his typically lame excuses. Predictably, Lorna looses it and transforms into BRIDEZILLA! (who looks suspiciously a bit like Magneto - attirewise) And it, like this review is - to be continued.

PART II:
I've decided that from now on I will let my cat type my reviews. It would be a lot more interesting than my same old song and dance of utter dissatisfaction and contempt. She seems keen to take over the position and I'm glad to let her have it. So without further ado, here's Lily:
Send help. My owner has gone insane. This comic book has pushed her over the edge! She realizes that only the truly depraved take comic books so personally and has immersed herself in utter self-loathing! She mutters endless nonsense about people who don't exist. Do you think that I care if Alex Summers is a slime ball and Annie is a vapid trollop? No?! I'm a cat for god's sake! Please, I'm begging you...
Heh. Wasn't that cute? Pay no attention to the cat. That's the last time I let her loose on the keyboard. She didn't even cover the finer points of the issue!
Though there was green on nearly every page of this issue I still hated it. Not because she and Alex broke up, not because she didn't end up with Bobby. I hated it simply because it was an embarrassing testiment to the downfall of story telling in comics. Again I have to say that things felt a bit rushed and slapped together. I won't even really get started on Austen's portrayal of Lorna as TOTALLY psycho. At least we know now that it wasn't just a bad case of PMS. I will just say that he has stripped that character of any dignity that Peter David created for her and made her one big walking, talking, EM bolt slinging joke. The only bigger joke is Alex and Annie and their psycho "dream dates" arranged by Annie's son, Carter. That put my suspension of disbelief to the test and found it lacking. Not disbelief that such a thing could occur in the pages of an X-Book, disbelief that someone actually thought that would make a good story. Anyway, I wish them well and hope they have lots of hideously ugly babies and fade from the pages of X for all time. Which is sad in a way becuase I think that out of all the characters he has tackled, Austen has the truest take on Alex. He's really just a self involved thoughtless whiner. (I'd say more but I'd hate to have to put up a content warning on my site!) The crowning glory in his galaxy of idiocy came when he explained to Annie why he wasn't in love with Lorna any more:
"The last time we broke up was before my plane crash and it was for the stupidest reason..."
Um. He almost killed her. If that's a stupid reason I'd love to see his idea of a good reason. He ditched her, the team, everyone and then tried to kill her. Makes most of my break ups look pretty tame. I just need to get this out one more time. I HATE HAVOK. Hate him. So bravo to Chuck Austen for keeping my utter loathing of Alex intact! Good job! You deserve a raise! I didn't think I could hate him any more than I already did...
Well, there were some nice things about the book. I am really enjoying the art by Philip Tan. I really do like his rendition of Polaris, though I'm still not a huge fan of the green lips. I know that's more a colorist thing but.... She's enough of a joke without making her Vampire Goth Princess Polaris. Which is pretty close to what her solo cover (yay!) portrayed her as. I'd like her to ditch the new costume (both of them) and go for something basic, black and badass with a more modern feel. Maybe after Chuck (Xavier, not Austen) makes her all better. They have all promised more Polaris to come so.... stay tuned!